I feel myself sinking into a funk, and it's like there's no one to pull me out. Usually I can pull myself out pretty easily, but sometimes it's just difficult to paste on that smile when your heart just feels like it's being pulled in all directions at once. And I shouldn't even have to paste it on, it should be there naturally in the first place as it usually is. My fatal flaw is caring about others more than I care about myself, and it will be the death of me, to the dismay of those who will be affected if that should happen. But I refuse to fail or desert my commitments.
A person's word holds meaning and value to me, as archaic and outdated as that sounds. But when people's actions constantly contradict their words day in and day out, they debase their value. As long as I can stand I will keep plugging away, one person at a time. But some days I can feel myself grow weary and sometimes, just sometimes I wish there were someone out there, looking out for me as carefully as I have vowed to look out for them. Not to say I don't have a support system or I don't appreciate the love I receive from those who care most. No not at all. But people will always tend to their own business before being able to even think of helping out a fellow friend, and I wish I would learn that lesson already. It's been beaten into my brain by my family and some friends, but still I remain here, unchanged. I can pass on the advice to those who I see in need of it, but when it comes to this, my heart refuses to let me let go.
And when I say to a friend that there's nothing I wouldn't do to make you smile, gosh darn it...I meant it, with every fiber of my being.
But please dears, don't worry about me, I'm still a big girl, I can handle my own, just wishful thinking. <3 And to clear things up nothing is really wrong with me, I just hate feeling useless and not being able to do anything to help certain situations and good friends. That is all. Goodnight :)
Comments (17)
You are a total sweetheart and I <3 you. Know I'm always just a phone call away if you ever need someone.
i don't need to go fishing for adjectives to describe the kind of person you are. there are none. you're just you and i love it.
<3NANCY<3
you are a swweet heart nancy :)
xanax awaits
aww nancy, you're truly a great friend. having you as a friend is enough cause for a smile. can't wait to see you in boston!
Keep the fight going your doing well and *hugs* to lift your spirits and bring that smile back.
dang alex.
he took the words right out of my mouth.
<3
please take care of yourself...
YOU should be the most important person in your life..
because it is true what they say--you cannot take care of another person, if you can't take care of yourself.
you aren't useless.
and i respect, admire, and love you for everything you are.
the world needs more nancys
You are allowed to have your own down time. If others can be sad and have an "off" day, you are too.
If you want people to be around, they will be. It's been proven. If you wish for space, it will be given... (or forcibly taken - you'd have to push us away) But don't worry about it. This reminds us we take your smile for granted too often. *muah*
Breath a little.
Relax.
BUBBLE BATH.
Rub your back?
= )
hope things get better soon =/
see..i wish i was more like you. i can be so selfish sometimes :P i go through phases of caring a whole heck of a lot about for the people who are close to me but when i get really really hurt, i tend to my wounds and shut everyone out. and then the vicious cycle starts again - idk its weird.
well anyway.. you m'dear, you've got to be the sweetest person in the world.<3
I love you dearie!! <3
thats why i hate waiting because sometimes... theres nothing u can do but wait
Thanks for dropping by. :)
WE ALL LOVE YOU. Just hope everything is okay which I know it will be :]
hang in there